A post popped up recently that caught my attention. It said:
My wife hired an online coach for the NYC Marathon. I followed the same program as a supportive spouse. Was that stealing? Planning to tip the coach if I hit my A goal.
At face value, it sounds wholesome. Supportive spouse energy. Cheering each other on, logging miles side-by-side, maybe arguing over who gets the good snacks on long run workout day.
But there’s a deeper question here, and it’s not really about running.
It’s about integrity, value exchange, and the respect we show for the work that supports our sport.
Because individualized coaching isn’t just “workouts.”
It’s a service rooted in expertise, attention, nuance, and time.
It’s a partnership.
And when someone trains off a plan built for another athlete, even with good intentions, they’re receiving the benefit of that labor without participating in the agreement that made it possible.
There’s no villain here. But there is a mismatch between intention and impact.
Coaching Isn’t A Template. It’s Applied Strategy.
Let’s clear this up.
A coaching plan isn’t simply a spreadsheet of miles and paces. It’s the product of:
• physiological understanding
• athlete context and history
• recovery and stress-cycle awareness
• injury patterns and tendencies
• training age and strength capacity
• fueling habits, hormonal shifts, and life load
• day-to-day adjustments and conversations
It’s a living thing that evolves with the athlete.
And while two people may run many of the same miles together, their bodies rarely require the exact same structure, stress tolerance, progression, or recovery strategy.
That’s the difference between a training program and a training partnership.
Programs guide your miles; partnership guides your process.
And a coach builds the latter.
This Isn’t Only About Couples
Let’s call in a bigger truth: this isn’t just about one spouse training off another’s plan. We see it constantly in group training culture.
One runner hires a coach.
Two or three friends follow the plan “for support.”
Nobody means harm.
But still, the professional labor behind that plan just multiplied in use without multiplying in value back to the coach.
It would feel strange to slide into someone else’s physical therapy appointment.
Or join their personal training session because “we’re working on similar goals.”
Yet coaching often gets treated like it lives in the community pot.
And while running culture thrives on community, respect is part of community too.
Support doesn’t require extraction.
“We Want To Train Together” Isn’t the Issue
You can absolutely train alongside someone. The shared rituals, the matching grit, the silent agreement that today is going to hurt a little in the best way… I love that.
But there’s a difference between shared effort and shared access.
Training together is beautiful.
Copy-pasting someone else’s coaching relationship because it’s convenient?
That’s where we lose alignment.
If you want the structure, the logic, the expertise, and the eyes-on-you support, there’s a path: talk to the coach.
Most of us offer paired plans, shadow rates, or support options for training duos and crews.
The clean move is transparency and participation, not “we’ll see if I PR and then I’ll toss a little something your way.”
That isn’t compensation. It’s a tip jar on a gamble.
And coaches don’t build athletes by chance.
True Support Looks Like Alignment
If your intention is to support your partner or your training buddy, the highest form of support isn’t “I’ll borrow what you paid for.”
It’s recognizing that the coach poured time, expertise, and care into that programming. And showing up with respect for that relationship.
Integrity matters.
Not in a punitive way.
In a “we rise by honoring each other's work” way.
If you benefited from someone else’s coaching?
Say so.
And participate in the value exchange.
That builds trust.
That strengthens the coaching industry.
That models healthy athletic culture.
And honestly? It feels better.
PRs are great.
Alignment hits different.
Ready For Training That Belongs To You?
If reading this stirred something in you, maybe you’re ready to move from following along to training with intention and ownership.
I coach athletes who want more than workouts. They want strategy, clarity, strength, and confidence. They want longevity, not just “finish the next race and hope nothing hurts.”
If you want support that meets your body, your season of life, and your goals, I’d love to work together.
Explore personalized coaching and training plan options here:
Work with me
Your miles deserve intention.
Your goals deserve ownership.
And your training deserves to be yours.
Let’s build something real.